WHY DOWNTON ABBEY SO MOVES ME

            As this third series draws to a close, I realize this British series about life at this abbey in the aftermath of World War I is filled with forms of courage, for the aristocracy as well as their faithful long-time servants. We the viewers watch remarkable actors showing how these individuals deal with the massive changes in their lives.

            Matthew faces his guilt at Livinia’s death, his fears and vulnerability as he recovers from serious wounds to his body and his psyche.  Even when he is able to express his deep love for Mary, a tender passion they both share after so many trials, he is plagued by fears of inadequacy, especially whether he can father a child.  Mary has a deep faith, and goes to London privately to find if she may be infertile, has an operation that the doctor tells her will make conception finally possible.  She has the courage to take action on her own rather than being stuck in Matthew’s belief he is at fault.

            Matthew has the courage to realize the Abbey has been poorly managed and cannot become self-sustaining without major changes, but he keeps expressing his concerns in ways that make his father-in-law feel defensive. As the whole family mourns the death of Sybil, Matthew chooses to befriend the grieving husband-father, Tom, who feels out of place because he is a Catholic Irishman, not from noble blood, and he thinks his only choice is to leave with the baby, seeking his fortune in his homeland, bereft of the support of this family into which he has married.  He welcomes the concern and caring of Mary and Matthew, who stand by him in his dark hours.  As their friendship unfolds, Matthew realizes Tom knows about farming and the ways and needs of the simple folks who are dependant on the survival of Downton Abbey.  When the concerns of Mary and her wise Grandmother help Mary’s mother Cora and her husband realize their daughter Sybil would have died even if the old family doctor’s advice had been followed, they begin to grieve together, knowing no one is to blame for this tragedy.

            In the servant’s quarters,  Daisy slowly gathers her courage to consider a life beyond being a servant as her father-in-law sees her strengths and zeal for life, and offers his inheritance if she will come manage his estate while he is alive.  She begins to envision a better life, and it may even include a man partner where she shall have the respect she deserves.  She is outgrowing being a lifetime servant and all that implies.

            As this series of the Downton Abbey saga comes to an end, Mary gives birth to a healthy baby boy.  She and Matthew have a few precious moments celebrating privately this new beginning in their lives.  As Matthew drives away, exuberant to be a dad with his beloved wife, his life is suddenly ended by a truck colliding with his car, which overturns and he is thrown to his death.  It’s a sad and startling ending, and a reminder to us all that life is unpredictable, sometimes very unfair even when you’ve been noble and courageous in overcoming obstacles.  We are left in suspense, not knowing how the families and the servants will deal with this huge and impactful loss, so soon after the death of Sybil whom everyone loved and sorely misses.  She lives on in her sweet daughter and her strong-willed husband.

TO THRIVE IN PRESENT TIME

                 TO THRIVE IN PRESENT TIME

As we grow older, it is common to have dear friends have serious health issues

Again and yet again, we are reminded of our own mortality.

It helps to be able to grieve with empathy for their losses, their suffering, and offer a helping hand or caring words.

It helps to use our rational mind to realize how we might best prevent the same misfortune from impairing the quality of our own life.

Yes, we all know we need more exercise, a better diet, a social network, friends   

   Who will listen and hug us when we are struggling. 

The obvious is easy to overlook, too, like the importance of drinking more water or

   Taking time to rest or meditate when we are tired and distraught.

Growing old has many challenges we may have not faced in earlier years. So it’s good to have friends who can remind us, in present time, of our strengths.  If we’re in our final decades, it helps to be honest with close ones about our wishes, should we become seriously disabled or die.  These conversations provide a reality check for us and for those we love.

To thrive instead of simply being reactive to life’s challenges, we do need tools

To uplift our spirits, protect our bodies and minds, encourage pro-active behavior.

Aging is not for sissies; it does require courage to face fears, to face loss, to be willing to downsize our expectations when they add to our stress.  Learning new skills keeps our brains active, and saying yes to better shoes, lots of post-its, becoming aware of our changing needs, all help us be more likely to thrive not just survive as we become elders.

The simple rhyming poems I used to write

Often become a sharing of my inner dialogue, not so tidy anymore.

We need to be flexible as well as resilient, and then it is easier to accept and learn from the unexpected in our lives.

Carol Browning

Creating Peace: Our Choices Make a Difference

In a culture and a world so often driven by anger, fear, and greed, when we choose instead to make choices with a gracious, grateful heart, honoring each of us has conditioning that can bring out the best or the worst in us, we take steps to create a more just and peaceful world.

 It does take courage, patience, and perseverance even to be peaceful with our own inner critic. She may be the demanding voice we first heard on our home front or in school, telling us to “ get busy, don’t cry, listen to your elders” even when their words are hurtful, still undermining our self-worth into adulthood unless we learn to realize where these negative messages have come from, and delete their impact.

  We can always choose to follow a path no one modeled for us.  It will take perseverance, willingness to face our own dark sides, self-acceptance, and finding meaningful ways to be in community with others seeking a more peaceful lifestyle and learning more effective communication skills.

 It helps to realize the history of Europe and our country is riddled with times of war, repression, revolt, and rebellion that continue into present time.  When the needs and rights of others are ignored or silenced, peace isn’t likely. We have a long history of domination and submission, with struggles that were rarely resolved peacefully.

 To be at peace, we need to first be kind, gentle and forgiving with ourselves before we can take time to be responsive in a nurturing way to others when their behavior or words irritate us.  Our culture glorifies important, influential men from our presidents to cool film figures who solve problems by killing people.  It is quick, sure, and still considered manly.  So given such role models, it is no wonder we haven’t taught our children to value mediation and non-violent communication as effective ways to resolve tough problems.  Creating peace has to do with respecting one another, honoring differences, and taking the time to understand and be in another’s shoes; these are not quick fixes.

 We can choose thoughts that make us feel good, but we all have an inner dialogue of discomforting thoughts as well.  We can make a choice to question beliefs that give us stress; often they aren’t necessarily true, or we can choose to believe “this too shall pass.” Discretion in what channels we allow our minds to focus on can help us feel more at peace, aware where we do have some power to make a difference.  Peace does begin at home, in our own minds and our personal choices.  As we make peace a priority in our interactions at every level, we model this new behavior for generations to come.

  written by Carol Browning  Jan. 20, 2013

STILL GRATEFUL AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

The beauty of our first heavy snowfall

Blanketing the hillsides, dusting every tree in sight

A certain softness in the January air as slopes once green are now white

Memories of skiing with my young sons and husband in rolling hills

  Full of elk and even buffalo roaming free in the Alberta parkland

  Twenty-five miles due east of Edmonton, our home for fourteen years.

  These memories speak quietly to my aging body.

Storm clouds gather in early September,

Foretelling a colder winter to come after a record hot summer

Friends once close, suddenly die of mysterious illnesses.

I grieve their passing, wondering why am I still in this lifetime?

There is so much uncertainty, so much loss, behind and before me.

 It comes with the territory of aging.   I choose to live fully despite my limitations, some real, some imagined.  There are pluses to a slower pace in this awesome community.

The doe and her fawn dart in the darkness across a city boulevard

No longer able to dwell on safer ground where houses now stand. The trees and shrubs and open spaces they counted on are gone.  Progress is tough on wild creatures.

White lines and streetlights help me navigate the darkness when I have cause to venture out.  What shall I do when no longer able to drive?  It’s a precious freedom my fading vision no longer takes for granted.  I do my eye exercises religiously.

The memory of fresh salmon with shitake mushrooms, leeks and garlic shared with a friend on many a cold, winter’s night, gave comfort and camaraderie to us both. He has moved away to a warmer climate, to live nearer family who welcome him.

The memory of skating on a frozen Alberta pond when my sons were young.  The minus 30 degrees skies were blue, pure and unpolluted, but the sun set by 3:30 p.m. in January.

Memories that speak of life’s pleasures often gone or infrequent for me now, but God willing, they’ll live on for the youngsters now raising kids of their own.  There are toddling grandchildren whom I’ll see more often as they are sturdier, and traveling to Oregon will be easier when they’re old enough to hang out with Grandma while their parents go exploring, or we all take outings together.  It’s no longer fun to travel alone as I did so readily in my forties.

I wake from a winter’s nap, treasuring memories and anticipating more good times to come.  Solitude is often my buddy, but I’m still a people person. My heart still has dreams not yet fulfilled, as I greet the new day, usually still glad to be alive!

     Carol Browning    1/11/2013

Happiness is Feeling Good Inside

Happiness is making choices that honor our values.  It means letting go regrets, procrastination, pleasing others, out-dated attitudes, and blaming others when everyone involved made mistakes.  Forgiveness and moving on with grace and gratitude for lessons learned helps prepare us for new challenges. True happiness is much deeper than momentary pleasures or quick fixes; it often involves years of soul-searching and making tough choices.

When we are happy, our posture, our faces, our words show it.  A good example would be the crowd cheering President Obama on election night, and his well-articulated determination and readiness to be our captain for this next four years.  Yes, there will be storms ahead, on land, sea and in our legislative process.  We have elected a man with courage, tenacity, grace, discipline, and a passion to make choices that make us proud again to be Americans.  He continues reaching out to us all to help make the dream that the best is yet to come really possible.  It helps to have a wife truly his partner, and daughters who share the perspectives of intelligent youth.  He has deep support on his home front, a blessing for anyone facing daunting challenges that we have few precedents for handling, globally and at  home.

This election makes me feel more hopeful and happy inside. The hard works of many citizens have spoken loud and clear. Obama won the Hispanic vote, the Black vote, and that of many other folks marginalized by the rhetoric and voting choices of the Tea Party.  The white, educated elite with huge corporate support is no longer running the show.   The Senate is now twenty percent women, including a gay woman, a Buddhist of Asian heritage, and a strong advocate for holding banks and corporations accountable in Ted Kennedy’s old seat.  This country is finally waking up to our changing demographics and priorities. We are not returning to the days when women’s primary role was to serve the men in their lives.  Our voices are being heard.  We have reasons to rejoice!

We, the Silenced Majority Amy Goodman speaks about, are beginning to find our voices, starting with the Occupy protests in cities large and small across this country, folks protesting the status quo that has created many of our painful grievances and real losses. We have overcome the powers of greed and big money trying to influence every vote in this country.  The crowd in Chicago was obviously very happy  as they waited for Obama’s acceptance speech.  We need one another’s support to be happy. Being isolated and unheard leads to depression and too often, despair.  When we trust the direction we’re going, sharing core values, it is easier to be happy and have a sense we are in this together. Happiness is a great feeling indeed!

In These Challenging Times

When real storms in our physical world

Wreck havoc on an unprecedented scale

It is vital to be patient, and take time out to find our own balance.

Within each of us there resides a calm, supportive mother who can nurture

   And abide with us when the silent inner child is frightened by circumstances

    Beyond her control or understanding.

Within, we each have a masculine presence, an inner parent who

   Offers us protection, reassurance, encouragement regarding simple, practical steps

 So our despair and discouragement are rerouted to more positive choices.

When  images on our screens show human suffering and devastation we are not meant to handle in our individual psyches

   It is time to open to beauty and the possibility we are being given messages as a species that do need our attention, so collectively we make wiser choices.  Panic, fear, and denial of changes we  need to make don’t allow creative responses to the storms in our lives.

  Let us stay open to a middle path honoring our human frailties as well as our ideals. Accepting pleasure and pain, engagement and detachment, finding strength in community and strength within, all awaken our resources to live in challenging times.

   Carol Browning, written in response to watching scenes of Hurricane Sandy's impact on Haiti, Cuba, and the U.S. East coast.

Dancing Uplifts Body, Mind, and Spirit!

As darkness settled in on this First Friday of October
A part of me wanted to nestle down, stay warm, stay with the familiar
I'd already expressed my passion  and sense of outrage at the injustices of our political system on-line.  Restless, I had a quiet urge to be part of community, of others expressing their passion with music and dance.

    First a trip to Goodwill, looking for fairy wings for my Halloween outfit, but $12 felt excessive, and I chose instead some simple gifts for my two sweet granddaughters.  Maybe I'll make a mask this year instead of buying wings made in China.  The Salmon Festival is a fun autumn celebration for being creative!
     Leaving the low-energy of Goodwill at closing  time,  I drove downtown, too tired to hit the art galleries or negotiate parking on main street.  A band played on A Street, but I wasn't moved.  As I walked about carefully in the growing darkness, I found Jeff and Tom setting up to play nearly, when the other band was done.  A part of me that seldom gets to play is a wild dancing woman.  Nothing is a better antidote to frustrations on the political scene on top of seeing the dentist, the chiropractor and my acupuncturist all in one week, than a chance to dance to the hypnotic beat of a great band.  It's astonishing how grand it feels to dance, and watch a truly remarkable young woman dancer who sure moved to her own sensuous, exotic rhythm, embodying the graceful and uninhibited movements I'd never seen in real life.  She, too, was on he own, needing no partner to let loose, responding to the drums, guitars, and haunting melodies.
      This felt like my modern-day tribe, coming out on a Friday night to express without words our passion, our joy to be alive in this place on this planet.  The night was cool and bright, perfect for this gathering of souls seeking dance and great music to erase the worries of our week.  In olden days in so many cultures, after a week working hard for little or no pay, the common folks took to the streets and danced out of sight of their landlords and others of the uppity classes.
They danced, as we do this night, for the sheer pleasure of movement to music that touches their hearts.  I came home encouraged, refreshed, tired in a good way.  The street dancer in me is still alive and well.  It wasn't a night to browse the art galleries, but to dance with abandon, no agenda but to enjoy the good times still possible, even in  an aging body still eager to express herself!