Sunday, November 1, 2015
This may include beloved pets, friends, even memories of being with our loved ones.
I wept deeply, suddenly, not at first aware why. Mom, have you a message to share with me?
Carol, you have so much of your dad's spunk and adventuresome spirit. He too loved to travel uncharted territory. He adored the mountains, hiking alone or with a buddy, and skiing was his favorite way to explore in the wintertime. And he so loved having a good time, with me yes, but with so many friends, for he was way more outgoing and open than I was, and yes, sometimes I felt jealous of his love for living, even in the most challenging times.
Mom, we never learned exactly how or when he died; it was likely sudden, but we shall never know. His loss was huge for you and for me as well. I am a survivor, and it is taking being open to my wonderful community, not just any one person, for me to keep up my own spirits, especially in the winter months. Like Nana, I love the Christmas carols and being around kids who still have their spirit and parents who are there for them. It felt so good to sing chants embracing death as well as living at the Unity service today. It felt good to have a kind, openhearted man to my right, and a brand new woman friend to my left. Heather and Richard's music was amazing, so honoring this sacred time when we can better contact our ancestors, and a sense of the dreamer within as well, and the possibilities still to come. It was such a moving service.
May my writing, maybe singing too, be channels for sharing my own passions. Oh dear Nana, so little has survived of your writing, but the Hudson Saga reveals my lineage of literate, articulate ancestors who also wrote letters and poems to express their heartache, their everyday joys, their troubles with relatives. Thank you, Nana, for having the discipline to preserve these letters that show my rich heritage, and your and Grandpa's passion for travel and adventure when you were still in decent health and had the means to do so. As Norma said today, we need festivities that honor life itself is a crazy dance we do with death, and a good cry is part of the letting go, letting the past be whatever it was. Sometimes coming home means honoring whatever feels nurturing in this moment, letting go any judgment toward ourselves or others. I am enjoying My Fair Lady on Pandora, and feel ready for a nap next!