As we grow older, it can be a real challenge to meet a
potential partner in this fast-paced world. What sounded good on paper can backfire in person. One gentleman ten years my senior had
the energy to drive his jeep on back roads for days, camping wherever he
landed. This would be torturous
for my body, though I do love adventure and being outdoors. So an actual date allows fine-tuning
regarding different expectations!
After two years exploring this world, I am learning it is
most helpful if we become clear about our own values, limitations as well as
strengths, and priorities. We need to ask ourselves: Is a friendship critical to me first, or am I ready to leap
in where the more cautious would fear to tread? There are folks who want instant gratification in this game,
and others of us have learned honest relationships take time, for trusting one
another means making and keeping agreements. This requires patience, good
communication skills, and a willingness to check within and say “no, this
person makes me uneasy, or “I truly don’t want an e-mail friend who lives
beyond where either of us are likely to be able to drive.” If money is no issue, fine, fly and
check one another out. For many of
us, this would bust the budget, so part of being at peace is accepting what is
practical, given our finances, age, and health limitations. What may be realistic to a young,
energetic person in her or his twenties is vastly different from someone in her
or his sixties who no longer drives at night nor travels lightly. This form of dating is the modern
version of men posting a letter in a newspaper to get a mail-order bride. Until you actually meet, both parties
can present themselves however they choose, and there are no guarantees. We all
have baggage from previous relationships, too. This means discretion is in
order!
There will be “success testimonials” on many sites. This is their form of advertising
to hook us into thinking this will be easy. Rarely can you actually speak with
a live person by phone to express your concerns or frustrations to someone
familiar with the system. Computers
often do the matching based on questions you answer regarding factors important
to you. As we grow older, we don’t
have the flexibility to move across the country on a gamble that might have
seemed exciting a few decades earlier.
One needs decent computer skills to navigate on these sites, and post
photos that may attract a potential friend. In short, there is quite a learning curve to creating peace
with a dating process very unlike old times when we met in school or on the
job. On-line dating is a new game,
courage and persistence required!
