WE MAKE A DIFFERENCE

When we get discouraged, it is important to know what we say, what we do, what we hold dear does make  a difference.  Our world, the one we grew up with,  is no longer viable.  We need to address issues that have long  been avoided, and take a stand.  And we are more creative when  we come from our wise inner self, not from the critics we hear all around  as well as within us.  

    In my final class tonight on Freeing the Inner Creative Writer, the bold teachers suggested we continue to connect and share with one another, for there is strength in being there for one  another.   I shared this with  the group,  and do so now with you as well.

   I am a small bright tree in a vast forest. In the sunlight I  feel alive and expansive, connected to the wonder of Mother  Earth and all the sky Spirits-the wind,  the sun, the unseasonable warmth after weeks of grey, wet skies.  For the first time in many moons, it was warm enough to sit outside and hem my new pajamas, for I could see as I cannot to do such work  indoors.

   Once it becomes dark, if I am quiet and present,  I  become aware  of how deeply I am protected and supported by invisible forces. It is easier to let go, and trust I belong right where I am, in this humble abode.   Happily, when I let go the doubts and fears, I can also let go obsessing about people or situations I cannot change.   Would I rather be free, or attached to security, control, approval from  others? 

    As I age, I am more patient, more discerning, more forgiving toward myself and toward others as well. I have learned feelings arise, often need to be expressed, sometimes shared, then they too pass on.  To keep on letting go, I need time to rest,  time to be reflective and honor this time for self-care I don’t have when my life centers on  others.  Community matters so much now too, a chance to be playful, sing with, be with others  in ways we nurture one another.  That is it for now!  Know your choices make a difference too!

Let's begin to turn it all around

Let's be like this roaring, lovely river
Carving her way for millenniums through the stony land
Giving hope to Indians long forgotten, still alive

Let's find wonder in hidden  places, be it our dreams
Or a response to a Facebook post that I am feeling lonely
And like wild flowers we don't expect to see
Friends from far and near, reach out to comfort me

For while I do enjoy solitude, I also love good company
Whether it be an outing with a friend I've not seen in years
Or sharing a dinner with good conversation at a friend's home
Let's begin to turn all this fear-based living around
And  choose to focus on the beauty and wonder, right where we are.
Yes, illness and a need to change plans  are part of life
Today I  shall listen to upbeat music, live and booming on JPR  right now
It can be good to break out of routines and habits that no longer serve us well.

So while I'm unlikely to roar while tending a sore throat
The writer in me is beginning to come  forth, not just with
   her pretty, happy parts, but also the downcast, lonely parts
That welcome hearing from friends, reminding me I am indeed loved
Even when I am discouraged by my body needing TLC, not just from me!
Off I go,  to listen to live jazz and take a short drive up the mountain
This chilly, rainy day.  The rain is so healing for our forests, waterways, pastures,  gardens.
It gives life to Mother Earth, and for this, let us give thanks.
 

SIMPLE JOYS

SOMETIMES happy memories bring back a sense of wonder and gratitude, like the photo above shows from our  family gathering/memorial three years ago.

Yesterday had special moments, like checking out Goodwill,  finding a great bright light for my living room on a dark, gloomy day, and a great pair of pedal-pushers with pockets.

  Meeting a new caregiver Heidi who has such enthusiasm she'll return Friday to learn more!

  A surprise call from a friend to take me to a movie-I love movies, and it's ever so much more fun

   to go with a dear friend;  I need more  light-hearted moments, though the movie was heavy, it did portray how a dark-minded mother who presses her son to feel guilty and confused can sure mess up a number of people's lives.  Her son was sensitive, intelligent and naive in his social skills. She made him promise to let go a  young woman he really loved in trade for her staying married to his dad-manipulation is never a wise move.  It's a joy to see a movie on the big screen with a strong message!

   And I learned an all women's choir (Women  with Wings) will start up Sept. 10, and meet every two weeks, so I am hopeful  to join my voice  with others and make some new friends too⁄

   With all the reasons to be concerned, even worried,  in  our polarized world, simple joys are crucial to our well-being!  Fall is very much in the air, including the smoke from fires.  It is a joy to have high temperatures under 90 degrees!

Can we celebrate life in the Shadow of Death too?

In the Shadow of last weeks deaths in Orlando, our web of life has been shaken.  What can we do now to make it tougher for such massacres to keep on happening, where can these people find shelter, solace, a safe place to find sanctuary in a world like this?
      For a week now, our skies have been darker, more rainy, cooler than is usual for June.  Could so many unpredictable changes be affecting us all?  Yesterday we had a wonderful Interfaith Vigil at our local Havurah, hosted by the Jewish community.  We listened to rabbis, ministers, minstrels, and shared our horror at what is happening in our country.  We shared our resolve to not let these repeated massacres define us, letting fear paralyze us from taking actions to create a more peaceful and safe world.  In the face of such deep grief, we also need to play, to rest, to take care of our selves individually and collectively so we do feel loved and protected.  As Norma Burton shared, life for many of us has been  full of storms, times that try our souls.  We can  emerge with more tolerance, more compassion, more awareness of how crisis can bring us together and help awaken us
    We are survivors, and it is tough to realize how deeply violence is imbedded in our nation's soul.
Maybe this is a wake-up call, time to stand  up for gun regulations.  Maybe it's a time to find healthier hobbies than hunting for sport, shooting other people when  we are mad and upset, condoning the silence from our lawmakers.  We need to break  thorough  the vicious cycles of hate, isolation, and rejection of those whose customs and ways of life are different from our own.  With the internet and other media, we now can see the faces of those who have lost their  sons and daughters, their friends who have done no harm, and now are dead, many only in their 20's and 30's.  They were gathered to enjoy one another's company, to be with kindred spirits.  What next when the Pulse will remind them of what happened only a week ago?  Our web of life has been  violently shaken, and more innocent people have been murdered and maimed.  One minister said we must now love each other out of our despair and shock, that we need the presence of Love in  our lives to arouse our courage, our resolve to help create a safer, kinder, more just world for all.
    When we were encouraged to first look a stranger in the eyes, then embrace one another, how readily the tears flowed, tears that may have gone unshed had we stayed home.  It is a time for mourning, and too, for finding simple  ways to honor and celebrate life.  It felt good for me to go to a second-hand children's store and take the time to buy some fun  gifts for my granddaughters, who are coming to Ashland this week.  Celebrating that I am a Grandma and  I treasure these rare visits with family who live far from  me.   Yes, we can celebrate in gentle ways, reach out to one another, resist the temptation to isolate ourselves at this time when so much seems out of control.

We can show up for life.  Slow down.  Be there for our friends and even for strangers, and do what feels appropriate to care for ourselves as well.  Sweet  Eliza, and Taryn too, I am so glad to see you for a couple of days this week, to be able to hug and read to you, just enjoy your presence and that of your wonderful parents too.  Let us choose to say YES to the life that nourishes us, brightening  our days even as we trust the rainbows and sunshine shall return.

Dia de Los Muertos

Today in Mexico, and many Latin American countries,  the two days after Halloween are celebrated as the Day of the Dead, when we are most able to honor and learn from our ancestors who have died.
  This may include beloved pets, friends, even memories of being with our loved ones.
I wept deeply, suddenly, not at first aware why.  Mom, have you a message to share with me?
   Carol, you have so much of your dad's spunk and adventuresome spirit.  He too loved to travel uncharted territory.  He adored the mountains, hiking alone or with a buddy, and skiing was his favorite way to explore in the wintertime.  And he so loved having a good time, with me yes, but with so many friends, for he was way more outgoing and open than I was, and yes, sometimes I felt jealous of his love for living, even in the most challenging times.
    Mom, we never learned exactly how or when he died; it was likely sudden, but we shall never know.  His loss was huge for you and for me as well.  I am a survivor, and it is taking being open to my wonderful community, not just any one person, for me to keep up my own spirits, especially in the winter months.  Like Nana, I love the Christmas carols and being around kids who still have their spirit and parents who are there for them.  It felt so good to sing chants embracing death as well as living at the Unity service today.  It felt good to have a kind, openhearted man to my right, and a brand new woman friend to my left.  Heather and Richard's music was amazing, so honoring this sacred time when we can better contact our ancestors, and a sense of the dreamer within as well, and the possibilities still to come.  It was such a moving service.
     May my writing, maybe singing too, be channels for sharing my own passions.  Oh dear Nana, so little has survived of your writing, but the Hudson Saga reveals my lineage of literate, articulate ancestors who also wrote letters and poems to express their heartache, their everyday joys, their troubles with relatives.  Thank you, Nana, for having the discipline to preserve these letters that show my rich heritage, and your and Grandpa's passion for travel and adventure when you were still in decent health and had the means to do so.  As Norma said today, we need festivities that honor life itself is a crazy dance we do with death, and a good cry is part of the letting go, letting the past be whatever it was.  Sometimes coming home means honoring whatever feels nurturing in this moment, letting go any judgment toward ourselves or others.  I am enjoying My Fair Lady on Pandora, and feel ready for a nap next!

May dia de lost Muertos be a special time for you as well, to gently honor and listen to your ancestors this hallowed time of year!

Enjoying Indian Summer on the Oregon Coast

A feeling of freedom as the waves, the wind, the sunshine and beauty of  this place embrace our tired yet eager bodies as we enjoy one last camping trip together before colder days and longer nights make camping difficult until springtime returns.
    With a hefty, bracing tailwind and soft,  forgiving sand we walk at a brisk pace, limbs eager to walk with these primal  forces gently pushing  us toward pleasure we seldom feel when the air is dry and hot, the skies polluted with so many fires this summer. A five in the afternoon  walk at home is uninviting this time of year.  And here we share the simple tasks-dishes to wash, water to fetch and boil,  meals to dream up from the cooler (and fresh albacore tuna from the Port Orford dock store) and cook on the Coleman stove.  We share touch, laughter over our meals, and a chance to enjoy our lovely surroundings as well as being together, away from our often busy lives and appointments that don't allow this kind of one-on-one time to slow down and savor rest and activities we both so enjoy.
   So often the news can be depressing and  even overwhelming.  Here life has a simpler rhythm that soothes and beckons us to gaze at the star-filled evenings, play in the sand, watch the sea birds and even a playful whale cruising the kelp  beds.  Here we are able to leave our home distractions aside and meet as two adults who have both survived turbulent times and heartache in our families, in our personal choices that have been tough at times.  We are ready to embrace and honor one another not in a traditional pattern  of submission and domination, or possessiveness, or  clinging.  We share a deeply human, more open, humble and grateful love that is consider and  gentle, one where two solitudes protect, greet and treasure one another; this stage has not come easily,  for  we've both had to do our inner work and discover what our own gifts are, and where we're  still needing to unlearn our conditioning.  This is the work of a lifetime, and it requires being able to communicate as honestly and openly as possible, forgiving ourselves (and each other) when we do make mistakes.
    Part  of me was afraid to take a trip this late, when it's already dark before eight, and the nights can be chilly.  We had good flashlights, nearby water and restrooms, and neighbors who were considerate.  Even the large camping dogs were quiet in the night; our only night visitors were raccoons who checked out our picnic table for any possible food left unprotected.  They dined on some grapes, but food that mattered was back in the van at night.  We had fun exploring, sharing,  just having these precious days to be together.  We never had time for the reading, for there were better things to do by daytime and it was too dark for books at  night.  It was a wonderful adventure, and affirmed how well we do camp  together!  We've done so in different places in our earlier years, but both of us love being outdoors on  the wild side, where nature calls the shots!   It is so much more fun to have a partner for trips like this, especially when we complement one  another. Time for me  to get to bed now, so I bid you all a good night's sleep as well!

It is Wise and Possible too!

It is wise as well as possible to enjoy a broader circle of friends to enjoy being with
Not just on-line, but to share interests we may have in  common, and to encourage  one   another.
   I don't have grandchildren or daughters who live nearby, and I need more contact with young people, for their friendships feed my need to belong to the larger circle, and they have perspectives not always found in  my own age range.
   It would be fun to share a meal not just with Meet and  Eat folks, but with women friends who are open to this too, and we enjoy one  another's company.  I am a people person, and get lonely with too much time in solitude, or focusing all my attention on a man's friendship.   When  my Davis  friend Mary died, I felt bereft, for midst our ups and downs, we were there for one another, and we believed in one another.  I welcome a few more kindred spirit women  friends in  the years to come, not only on-line, though that sure helps too.  Kris is one such friend from my past; we've not seen  one another since high school, yet she believes in me and knows I am going through a tough summer with so little chance to enjoy being in nature this smoky August, and having our air so compromised.
   So OLLI and fellowships are places I  am likely to be open to new friends, or my water class too.
It is good to live where there are so many vibrant, wonderful women as well as menfolk with courage, patience and a sense of humor midst life's very real challenges too.  There are even kind women right where I live, and it's  good to take the time to visit as we go about our lives.  Like  Dee yesterday saying how she too is looking forward to her OLLI  classes, for it  is just too confining to spend  so much time in our tiny apartments and not having a chance to broaden our   horizons.
We may be growing old, yes, but we still need meaningful friendships of all ages and genders!