On Awakening this April morning

Outside the sky looks stormy, and snow has returned to our mountains.  Early spring, a time of frequent changes, new beginnings sometimes glorious and light, sometimes more cloudy, and the way really unknown.  This week my OLLI classes begin anew.  Today I hope to enjoy a new venture into tai chi, this form utterly new to me.  My intention  is to  be attentive and disciplined, to be  encouraged by the instructor and presence of others, and to hopefully carry with me lessons I need right now, too long neglected, to give strength and agility to my body and soul.  
    Yes, I love being in the water where it is so much easier to move, to flow, to socialize if we so choose, too.  But  I choose Tai Chi this time,  not a dance class, which I know would also be a challenge.  This will be a new adventure.   Maybe I can share what I learn with friends,  as well!
     I chose to drop the 9 am class in  Conscious Aging,  and instead take Anything Goes, where I shall listen to other writers, and  share some of what moves me as well.  Tonight is my last memoir class; I will say open  to finding ways to share what I  write in this arena, and find resources within and from others to let my book unfold.  Already the Magdalene Path calls to me, to create some sacred time each day, especially in the morning and evening, to honor my own self-care choices.  I need to honor the goddess within, beginning with more deliberate intention to find her voice, and she needs  encouragement!
     My third class will be about exotic travels to places I am not likely to go in person.  But I do love travel, so doing so vicariously shall give me joy and food for thought, too.   Annette leads this class, and I very much enjoy her enthusiasm for theatre, for travel, for exploring our inner landscapes too.
     So I ask for  assistance from my own spirit guides to stand by me, encourage and correct me, share their wisdom and light when I  waver in my faith and experience doubts.  And I treasure friends who respect the Carol moving into her Crone years, still playful, but honoring a pace that will ground and center her.  That's it for now....may this be a time for greater consciousness for us all, for finding our niches in community where we matter, and can  contribute to making changes that sorely need to happen so the power of love, laughter, and integrity matter more than  the old domination model, power that erodes the rights of so many folks and undermines a healthy future for our planet.
     It's a time for awakening to more sane ways of living and of dying, too.

SPRING EQUINOX 2015

Poetry allows the heart to soar, to see each day anew.  Spring Equinox marks the ending of winter, and transition  into a brighter season.  The daffodils return each year, and now the forsythia is also in full bloom.  I enjoy reflective readings in the morning, while I am still emerging from sleep.  Today I turned to a long-lost booklet by Stephen Covey, First Things First Every Day.  I like this one.  "It's important to be deeply honest and self-aware, to connect with conscience, to use independent will and creative imagination to consider possibilities and commit to positive change."
   I am learning that letting my caregivers have a holiday (it is now spring break here, despite  the dreary sky outside) means I can be resourceful on my own, and welcome support from others, too.  If an activity sounds like too much, I can say , no, thanks.  The fact is, we are often better together than alone, so our good company may be music, a friend, being part of fellowship  (today there is a workshop for singing, playing, making choices about the direction of my Unitarian Fellowship), a student massage, honoring my body's need for down-time.  I can choose to spend 15 minutes learning clutter, as this is an on-going one for me.  I can take some time to explore a new neighborhood instead of focusing on where I feel overwhelm.  Self-acceptance is critical to making wiser decisions.
  Here is hoping you have some pleasant surprises this new day too.  Here is a brief poem from my heart to yours.   "Love allows us to be more present, open, and trusting we are worthy of miracles.
Love lets us move on when it is time to do so.  Love is a mystery, an unfolding to the wonder of this our precious life.   Adieu!"

Short Tribute to a Silent Friend

The Great Horned Owl
Perches silently in the  bare birch tree (sorry no photos of an owl yet)
A sentinel, watching, waiting
Unhurried, we both soak up the sunshine
I'm on a break from doing my wash this Saturday morning
We both pause to give thanks for this new day.
Owls have been my allies for decades
Reminding me to be observant, and honor times when silence
Is truly a blessing, and taking a higher perspective is often wise.
He has flown off now, free to roam as he chooses!

Paying Tribute, Enjoying the Wonders too

This journey was to pay tribute, relax and be present with Curtis in his new home at The Terraces in Chico.  When Jeff and I arrived, Curtis was confused, thinking we'd come a day late.  We unpacked my stuff, then Dave (Curtis's son) drove Jeff to Curtis's old home where he would spend the two nights.  Jeff then joined us for dinner of soup ad sandwiches.
    It is sad for me to see how his mind works in  mysterious  ways now.  He knew us, and could follow a conversation, but moments later he would ask repetitive questions that showed he now has a very short memory that has difficulty retaining what we 'd just told him.  Happily he joined Jeff and me for the Sunday night movie, Shakespeare in Love, a great movie for all of us to enjoy; it was the first he has been to, so here is hoping he'll get to more now.  We wandered the halls, passing the fitness center, the pool table room, the library, and several areas one could sit on a sofa and hang out with friends.
    Curtis moved here in August, but is reluctant to even walk outside anymore, though the grounds are lovely.  It seems enough to read in his apartment, and get to meals.  It was hard to say if he is making new friends or mostly staying with familiar routines.  I attended a memoir class and shared some about Curtis's childhood;  the women were lovely, and now know a bit about him, so may reach out when they see him.   It must be so hard for a private, introverted person, used to years of living alone and mostly in complete silence (no radio or music, no TV now) to engage in conversation with folks he doesn't know.  He could talk easily with Jeff and me, for we are friends he has known for years.
   Photos in the apartment or dining area are on Jeff's camera; as these photos show, I  love to be outside in the fresh air, and his very hot, stuffy apartment was hard for me to function in; a man once proud of being organized has clutter everywhere now.  It doesn't seem to bother him, but I am accustomed to my own clutter.  Living with another's is harder, for I didn't know where anything belonged, and needed to keep track of my own stuff--not easy under the circumstances.
   It was good to visit and bring some joy and light into his life.  Also, sad to see him now when even two years ago he could drive and make decisions not possible anymore.  I am glad he no longer needs to cook at all, as that was becoming precarious for him with his mind not able to track the many tasks involved in buying and preparing meals.  This is a sad reality for so many older folks, including many where I live who no longer cook at all, so meals become a real challenge for them.   I am so grateful I have caregivers who help me a lot in the kitchen, and I have the ability to keep finding and training them; it is challenging and sometimes overwhelming, but I can still do it.  Also grateful I am committed to food and supplements that help my brain as well as body, and both mental and physical exercises; yes they all take time, money and discipline, but they make a real difference, too!
   Today I need to transition back to home life.  Am so grateful for Jeff driving me as well as his calm, steadfast dependability.  Mt. Shasta was in her full snowy regalia on our return (covered with clouds going south), and we had a quick picnic lunch on  a table in the sunshine in Dunsmuir, as the park there is closed this time of year.   Roads over Siskiyou Summit were dry.   It was sobering to see the low water levels at Shasta Lake as well as Emigrant Lake; we dearly need the rains and snow this year!
   It was a tough trip in some ways,  but helpful to enjoy the beauty of the countryside to and from Chico, and Shasta was magnificent, always a welcome sight.  Good-bye for now!

Out of my Comfort Zone!

   On a personal challenge to step out of my usual Saturday evening at home comfort  zone, I chose to rest and take it easy by day, missing the Salmon Festival on a 90 degree plus afternoon, then going with a neighbor who sees better than I do for night-driving to the Paschal Winery outside of Talent.  Jeff was playing with Salsa Brava, and kindly got us in without the cover charge.
   This dance floor shot was before the place was packed with dancers who sure knew what they were doing, as many practice almost weekly with this band, at different wineries throughout the valley.  At first I felt intimidated and way out of my element.  I am not a sensuous, steamy passionate dancer, and most of these couples sure were.  It's a form of dance requiring great balance, ability to do dips, twirls and lively steps that I might have done decently when thirty, but haven't the stamina, flexibility or balance to do so now.  I can easily imagine Meagan and Jaime loving this artistic, passionate form of dance!  Most of the dancers were under forty, and some of the Hispanic ones were amazing to watch!
   The music was full of passion and great rhythms, so I stopped being an observer,  and danced by myself on the perimeters.  The "morning after" I'm surprised to only be stiff in my pelvis area, which rarely gets such a work-out!  Maybe I'll get back to some folk-dancing, which is more familiar, and some of the dances are gentle, though many can be complicated when one is out of shape!
    Glad I did it.  It is a reminder what a powerful expression dancing to great music can be.  I definitely slept better and raised my heart-aerobic level for an hour before it was smart to head home!

ON BECOMING A COACH

                   ON BECOMING A COACH PLAYERS LISTEN TO

In the game of life, there are times we all need a coach who stands up for us, inspires us, has the concern for our well-being to learn what moves and motivates us. 

Watching a Hallmark movie about Second Chances portrayed an injured firefighter who knew the value of having a buddy to back you and a team that hangs in there with you, even when you are taken out of the line of duty by an injury.  When he found an affordable place to rent with a kind single mom for a landlady, his buddies came to visit, giving him the moral support he needed to accept this shift in his circumstances.

Wisely, the mother understood these guys were his family, his buddies, his support system.  Her two bright kids liked him right away.  Their own dad had walked out on the family when they were three and five, and the mom needed a renter when her job hours were cut back.  The firefighter was clearly grateful to be in this home where he knew he was safe and his teammates could visit.  In his years of fighting fires, he had learned to be a team player, to face danger with integrity and courage.  He had learned to listen to his own boss and buddies, and in a special way, he became the dad-figure these kids needed, someone to stand up for them and protect them when they got into trouble.  A good parent, mom or dad, has the strength, the discipline, the courage and the compassion of a good coach, willing to be there even when the team is struggling and facing real adversities. 

     The two kids, maybe eight and ten now, decided to offer to read to seniors in a nursing home, stories from their hearts that they had written and some classics too; they charged $1 a visit, and did their business without first getting the supervisor’s okay.  In this way, they were saving money to help their mom with family expenses.

When they got caught, the supervisor told them they hadn’t paid taxes, gotten her approval, and they were wrong to be there, and had to stop.  When the firefighter heard of their services being rejected, he called to make an appointment to speak with the supervisor.  The kids realized he was an adult to be trusted and he cared enough not just to play with them, but stand by them when they were in trouble.  He didn’t change the supervisor’s mind, but she did realize their intentions were good, so allowed them to keep on reading to these lonely folks who treasured these sweet kids for caring about them in such a personal way, giving them love and attention.

     The firefighter discovered his dad (who had died fighting a fire when this man was 10) had a best friend in this home, who quietly told him his dad would have wanted him to be happy, to get on with his life and be open to love and a family of his own.  This encouragement was a turning point, for he was in love with the children and their mom, and his rarely-spoken grief from losing his own dad had kept him single, living for his job and not open to love for himself.   So in a way, this elderly buddy of his dad, his firefighting buddies, and the kids who could see the caring and tenderness unfolding between their mom and this new man in her life were coaches in his life journey.

     There are times when we are the coach, encouraging those who feel despair, betrayal, separation, and confusion that keeps someone from believing they are lovable and worthy of respect.  There are times we need the wisdom and encouragement of folks who can coach us, helping us accept the support we need and believe in our dreams and ourselves.  Sometimes the unwritten rules need to be reviewed and changed when the inner critic tells us we aren’t worthy or capable of being loved and treasured by others. 

    In the photos above, the first is a gathering of SOU runners.  Two were my caregivers for a year, and they knew the camaraderie of being on a winning team for years, often running in practice up to 80 miles a week, even in the heat of summer.  They were there for one another when injured too, inspiring each other and making long-term friendships.  The second photo was taken  three years ago, at a small celebration of my birthday with a few of my friends, some of whom have been my coaches in tough times.  Coaches come into our lives if we are open, ready to learn, and open our hearts to the unknown!  Coaches come in all ages, not just our elders!

A Magical Evening

                                                A MAGICAL EVENING

We came together intentionally, to share the bounty of our harvest, our creativity, our enthusiasm to be part of this team, this Meet and Eat group that gathers to be with one another several times a year at one another’s homes.

Our hosts for the evening were gracious, warm, and welcoming.  We all brought food to share.  For me, who usually spends Saturday nights alone, eating alone, watching the TV instead of in conversation with interesting people, it was magical.

     First Edie invited us to pick blackberries from her garden, providing baskets and a helping hand as we climbed a narrow pathway to the area where the blackberries were ready to harvest.  We passed by the chickens, the squashes, the herb garden, the ripening peppers, and the greens growing under a ground cover canopy that kept away the insects eager to eat the greens at this time in the season.  We laughed and talked as we enjoyed this primal pleasure of gathering in the harvest.

      Next we shared some of her recent harvest-ripe cherry tomatoes, red peppers, and a delicious cucumber/buttermilk/yogurt/dill and garlic gomachio soup.  What a treat, along with red pepper hummus, a variety of chips and crackers, and wine or herbal tea.  We shared these delights with gratitude to be together, enjoying the smell of the baked salmon awaiting us.  When it was time to share the dinner we’d all contributed to, we gathered, holding hands, and Pam offered our blessing to be here celebrating this abundance with one another.  The fires were still creating a smoky sky, so we gladly dined inside, for the night was hot and sultry.  From their lovely well lit home we could see all over the valley from one window, and across a distant ridge from the kitchen window.  It was magical and so welcome to this one who longs for such vistas and connection with the natural world as well as great people to share with.

     The evening unfolded easily, for we had all contributed what we could to make this a special night.  It was fun to share with familiar folks and delightful new guests, too.  Some of us have common roots, born or currently living in the Sacramento/Sierra Nevada area of California.  The kind woman to my left also had a dad MIA at her birth; he was found six months after Pearl Harbor in a tiny island that had lost communication with the rest of the country.  My dad was MIA over Italy, and no traces were ever found.  We were like long lost cousins, meeting one another for the first time.

      It is magical to feel a sense of belonging, part of community that shares common aspirations, common ground.  We are truly not meant to grow old in our isolated dwellings, cut off from one another.  We do need to find ways to keep on connecting, growing, and being there for one another. It was an enchanted evening to be together, and I am grateful to have been included in it!

      No one brought a camera, so I have no photos from this gathering.  I shall share instead a couple that fit in with the evenings theme of honoring the beauty of the food and landscape around us this time of summer.