New Life Quietly Unfolding in Lovely Meagan

PRECIOUS TO LEARN MEAGAN SHALL SOON  BE A MOM, TOO!

It came as a surprise to learn on Facebook

My sweet daughter who now seems so far away

Is to become a Mom in October.

Motherhood changes everything, for when we first hold our new baby

Another person, not just the husband, has top priority in our lives

Becoming  a mom brings joy  and tears, laughter and challenges we could never anticipate

It changes our  relationship with our partner in ways that may be endearing, and

   yes, sometimes frustrating too, for a baby requires much more attention and commitment

   than even the most beloved pet.  This new person is our responsibility for many years to come.

There may be times we doubt in our own capacity to give him or her the love  this unique child needs.

We may indeed need to reach out so  others can  support us, comfort us  in this new role.

Overwhelm is actually quite common in the early weeks of being a mom,  for the first time.

We need the  support of friends near and far, and if our own  mom is still alive, we may need

    her comfort, her wisdom, her concern in ways we’d  never imagined as a couple.

For suddenly the family has expanded, and we too need to be flexible and capable of changes

   unlike any we’ve experienced before.

Dear Meagan, please know your birthmother Carol would love to be  part of your journey

as you and Jaime embrace becoming parents!  It would be an honor to be a grandma to this new being!      July 16, 2018 

Let us be open to miracles amidst life's messiness!

  When life feels messy, it does help to remember each day something that reminds us miracles, even  small ones, sure matter.  I am planning to attend a workshop next weekend taught by members of Emma's Revolution, but attending the concert would cost too much for me.
   So today I discovered I can listen to their music on Pandora, and discovered how inspirational it is!
I  drove with a dear friend to the service at the Unitarian Fellowship, and found the sermon really hit home, how we all need to be curious, connect with one another, and share in  some way the ways we are artists.  We may not be artists in a professional  way, but we all have gifts to share.
  It is a miracle to have this community where we do honor diversity, and listen well to one another. 
  It is a miracle to  be free to take a nap when we feel exhausted, and I learned even my 19 year old caregiver Megan needs naps; she helped my big-time clear out junk from my fridge, for tomorrow the maintenance man will be replacing the broken produce drawer and put new gaskets on the fridge and freezer doors-I needed a helping hand to be ready for this one!
  It's a miracle to be done with my cataract  surgeries, and I can begin the process of checking out glasses, as I don't see well for distant vision  or real close-up, but the new lenses are great for the computer distance.  Grateful to be done  with so many eyedrops and trips to check out how I am healing-great to have a really competent doctor for this!
  Ready for bedtime soon.  Good-night to all!
   

   This last photo is Phoebe, my hamster I've had now for a month.  She is a character, and adores running in her wheel.  She is fast, and not  too keen on  being held yet, but she sure knows where she is as she scoots around my apartment.  And she runs much of the night in her wheel.  She is winding up as  I am winding down!

Focus on Gratitude

Yesterday I felt discouraged with all the messiness and corruption going on in Washington.
Having a quick breakfast with a friend helped me refocus, for I dearly wanted to get to the YMCA exercise class, and I did so!  Movement sure helps shift things, and being with others also not as fit as we'd like to be.  It was a sunny but windy, cool day and on the spur of the moment, I chose to join  the YMCA Senior potluck, realizing how lucky  I am to live next door, so it was easy to go home for my bag of chips and a drink, then just show up.  The atmosphere was very festive thanks to Laurie and Genia's good planning, and I sat next to a lady from Connecticut, quite new to Ashland. 
   I am good at befriending strangers, and hope to see her and her husband at Jeff's Glass Sale on Sunday.  Happily, there were a couple of gluten-free dishes, and even a touch of pumpkin pie.   I left before the White elephants as I had not brought one, and came home to a rare but so special treat, a newly formed Brass Quartet (SOU students) was playing delightful music in our commons area.  Glad I'd cancelled my dentist appointment, as I need to breath more easily before having a new filling is a good idea.
   Needed a nap when I returned home, and had my last hour with Megan, my newest caregiver who drives to Portland Saturday to be with her family till Jan. 8.  She made a tempeh/veggie dish to get me through  the weekend, and just smelling healthy food helped me rest.  Then I took a short walk to the bank to deposit Xmas money I can use toward my GoFundMe account, and I even made an appointment to schedule the surgery in January, though I still need another $900 to be able to get the special lenses I need beyond regular cataract ones.  Helps to focus on what I hope can come true!
  Megan helped me correctly use my new inhaler, so I have more confidence and won't use it again at bedtime, when it's a stimulant and I didn't know that (phoned the pharmacist Friday am to find out).
  Then Megan fed me a yummy salad about 5 pm, and together we drove to the high school-I was treating her to The Winter Fine Arts Festival where each year they have an auction  and performance to raise funds for their arts programs.  The cafe "dinner" was soup and bread, so glad we'd  had something before hand!  I did enjoy their coconut, corn and red pepper  soup, and Megan liked the potato leek soup with a rich cream base I cannot enjoy with all this mucous in my system.  The displays of art work were amazing, from murals to lots of photos, drawings, paintings, and many gifts from local businesses for the auction.  We stayed for the first half of the performance, but I began coughing too much to stay the second half. 
   The MC was a 26 year veteran of the Shakespeare Festival, and he mentioned The Guardian recently had an article about one of Britain's worst high schools with a high drop-out rate.  A new principal chose to be sure every student had six hours a week of music instead of adding on a new math and science teacher.  Within a year, this school was 25% above the norm in Britain in their overall scores.  The school had many immigrants who didn't know much English,  so music was their common ground to begin assimilating.  I recall how crucial the music programs at AHS had been for Neal to feel motivated, too, and even at MIT, he chose to sing with the Boston Pops as well as be in their Gilbert and Sullivan plays; strong musical talent needs to be nurtured, and many of us didn't have such possibilities in our high  school experiences.  Jeff, too, started to really thrive when music became a big part of his life, and continues to be so. 
   Grateful to get a sweet Facebook photo of Meagan and Lara with their mom, Linda, starting to enjoy their Christmas holiday time together.  So glad the girls no longer live in the LA area, but are thriving in Chile and Argentina!
   So a day that began truly depressing to still be so sick, ended on a higher  note.

Bella: I wish you well on your Journey!

Dear sweet Bella, I shall never  forget you, but I've finally come to realize  I cannot afford to care for a cat who is sick, and  in  her own way, unhappy being confined to this small apartment when  I  am gone so much.  We made it over a year, but in recent months you've been  peeing on the very rugs that I need for my own comfort.  I've tried natural remedies, even white vinegar, but it  feels like a way you are protesting being  here, and you have this need to really run.  This isn't much space for your wild side.
     I am sad we could not find anyone to share you with, but I've yet to find an eager neighbor, or friend.  I feel badly when I get so angry when you keep peeing outside the litter box.  The animal  shelter will not take an adult cat back when they still have many kittens, and even then, they'd charge me $60.  I tried finding you a home on  Craigslist,  and got no local responses, even  offering all your familiar stuff, food and litter to go with you.   My life has felt very stressful trying to find good new caregivers, and that is still not totally settled.   I don't feel you like it when Jerry comes even though he tries to play with you, you don't appreciate that I do want to be with him too, and that often means leaving you overnight more than you like. 
   So today when a doctor  I trust suggested letting you be free by taking you out to Emigrant Lake, since there  is no place for you that I have found in a  shelter or home, I realized this felt right.  So thanks  to Deborah helping  get you in your carrier, I drove to the Lake and let you go near the old cemetery,  a place where you may find a new family while we're having good weather for a few days here, without rain.  Or you may want  to enjoy your  freedom and learn  to use your eager hunting skills.  I have made an altar with plants and your photo, and I envision after you get over the surprise of being somewhere so new, your curiosity and friendliness will serve you well.  My hope is you'll find a way to survive and even thrive or find a new home.  I needed to let you move on so my living space is more manageable.  We had a sweet cuddle as I napped with you this afternoon, and we may both miss that part.  I love you, Bella, and I've learned it is better at this timing in my life to not have  a pet; my circumstances don't allow you  to be indoors and outdoors, and I suspect you would love a situation  where that is possible. Thank you  for being such a sweetheart, but I cannot tolerate the peeing, nor am I prepared to deal with  the cost if the vet bills start to add up.  I  hope you enjoy your new life and I shall never forget the time we have been able to share together!

Missing our Clear Skies

   It has been a challenging summer for many of us, unable to even see our beloved nearby mountains.    Yes,  the smoke shall leave,  but it's been oppressive for many of us to not enjoy being outside.  It's another day going to 105 degrees-I am sure ready for some cooler, clearer weather!
   On  the gratitude front, I met a lovely woman yesterday who is likely to be a good caregiver for me.  We'll both need to be flexible, and  I like that she is such a warm-hearted, resourceful woman who has lived many years in  this valley, so it feels like home for her too.  That is my week's  best news!
   Missing seeing  the sunshine,  bright and clear
   Missing a good view of the mountains, and chance to enjoy being outside
   Spending so much  time on this computer as my way to connect with folks
   Missing  the clarity that comes with being  able to enjoy simple walks
   A certain sadness comes over me to realize how much global  warming is already impacting us
      and we have leaders so unresponsive to concerns about our climate and the well-being  of this planet.  Like Louise Hayes says, we need to trust life, create a circle of friends we admire and enjoy.  And I am doing so, even though it can feel very slow lately.  These are intense times on  the planet,  and we need to share our concern, share our  gifts.  Which is why I am reaching  out today!  What is up for you this Labor  Day Weekend?  I'd  love to know!

Guardian Angels

Guardian Angels can give us comfort, or signs they are with us.  For me, it was a sign of the angels being near me when I found a large feather at Hyatt Lake, and watching the Canadian Geese move quietly in formation, as if to say, "a divine order is at work" in what felt like a horrible tragedy to have two innocent men slain by having their throats slit last Friday night, as they attempted to calm a man harassing two young Muslin girls on  a Portland commuter train.   The brave mother below knew her son acted in love, and would be a hero across the veil, as he had been to many in his short 23 years,  inspiring  and encouraging so many people he met.  She must be clear the angels are with her and all her children.  With no fear or hate, she wrote our president a letter on Memorial Day, asking him to not add to the flames of hate and bigotry, but realize love is more powerful, and needs the support of our world leaders at this time.  It was a short and deeply heart-felt letter.
     May we all rise above our fears, and find courage to voice what we know to be true.  In  her own unique way, Asha embodies the Feminine energy of a woman who spreads good with her Pacific (peaceful) Domes  that are now given and sold where they are most needed.  These domes  provide sanctuary, shelter, warmth wherever they are across our globe.  They can  be accompanied with solar panels and are readily assembled.

Please, Guardian angels, continue to make your presence felt so we humans are aware we can  call on  assistance, and  know we have your support when  we call on you.  Muchas Gracias!

Change is Gonna Come-YES!

   Twas another Friday night, my body tired and discouraged by the return of COLD weather and  a night of driving rain.  It  was fun to begin a class this morning on Broadway Dancing for Beginners, and be with 28 other  seniors still wanting to learn to dance despite our various challenges as we are aging.
     Suddenly, not just reliable Rachel came inside, but her two delightful daughters, Alice and Celia, both eager to come with mom while she  focused on my dinner and making a new soup, I had sweet company!  They each came with homemade  birthday gifts, and were delighted with Bella, who was somewhat wary at first, then  realized these girls were way more  friendly  than Rose's little hyper-dog, Pearl.  She welcomed their attention, people who immediately were at her eye level and wanting to engage with her.  We put on the Raffi music on Pandora, and to our delight, they had a new "Grandma" who lives close by, and I had fun being Grandma.  I've been missing this more than I knew with my own granddaughters living far away, and not coming to visit this summer.   I am  beginning to see why several friends so adore being  Grandma.  It can  be lovely to be Grandma  more than once or twice a year!
      We are off to a lovely start, and as the weather is warmer and brighter, we shall find ways to have fun that we all can look forward  to.  Change can be lovely, not just what we are seeing on our political front.  That too shall change!  Hopefully more sharing our love and concern will help turn  this world around, and we can find better ways to engage in this world than creating war and discounting what is happening to our future for all generations.  Never give  up!

My Buddy Bella

She waits, ever patient, hoping I'll begin this day with a bit of play.
Alas, Mom washes her face, plays on Facebook, drinks her water
Bemoaning yet another dark and rainy day.
   She hunts for my photo and cannot find it, so posts one of Abbie, another cat
Yet here I am, her buddy when she's down, present when she cries
I comfort her in bed at night.  I have no concern for the political scene
  that weighs heavy on  her in recent months, for I live in the present moment.

Bella has seen  me at my worst, which is often the first hour of the day.  But there is a hint now of spring in the air.   Trees are budding, and in some gardens, crocuses are already starting to bloom.  It has been a long, crazy winter, and Bella has been a mellowing influence on me.
   She remains curious, loving to sit in the window in all kinds of weather.
   She is ok with only a few sticks with string for toys, and boxes with strategic holes.
She demands far less than I of the day, and our silent love grows.  I have good company on my home front, beyond the computer and plants,  a sweet being who adores attention, but can mellow out with  her many naps when mom is busy elsewhere, or exercising, or eating.
   She loves people, anyone who shows up at the door she will gladly explore with her nose.  The real enemy is the noisy vacuum, or maybe Rose's small dog Pearl; she claims her turf, and Pearl backs off, aware those claws can do damage.  For the most part, my Buddy Bella is a friend I can count on even in sickness, and that has been such a blessing this winter!  We are learning one another's routines, and she can run like a mad cat in  the night all she wants, as long as she leaves me to sleep.  She knows I am not in a playful mood when I get up at night for water and a bathroom break, but she still leaves me a stick with string in case I change my mind.  And now it's time for some pre-breakfast cuddling, so I shall say good-bye here!

WE LIVE IN UNCERTAIN TIMES

     WE LIVE IN UNCERTAIN TIMES

No longer assured we have a functioning democracy

For suddenly, to the shocking  surprise of many of us

We have a president bent on supporting  corporate interests

  Ignoring the  dignity, rights, and concerns of women, most minorities, and immigrants

  disdainful of caring for our planet with measures to curb global warming  or cooperating with other nations,

       He chooses to not protect our  waterways,  national  parks and forests, clean up our atmosphere, or have the EPA  do its job.

He  has no intention of getting our energy from solar, wind and thermal, but delights in using more oil even when the risks are truly  scary with  the track record of pipelines.  His invested interests are his bottom line.

   He cares more about his investment in pipelines than in protecting Native American’s sacred lands or sacred anything.  We obviously need to be resourceful and get organized without our president-elect on board.

He wasn’t prepared to become our president, and we sure aren’t prepared to live with his agenda as it is unfolding with his transition team.  THESE ARE NOT ONLY UNCERTAIN, BUT DANGEROUS TIMES UNLESS WE STAND UP TO THIS MAN WHO HAS NO QUALIFICATIONS TO BE LEADING  OUR GOVERNMENT, despite winning in the Electoral College.  Changes need to happen.

BEING OPEN TO SURPRISE CHANGES EVERYTHING!

The day began so quietly, and my intention was to rest and take it easy, beginning with stretches in bed with my bedroom flooded with bright light.  But  the day unfolded in ways I had not imagined.  The predicted day of rain didn’t happen till about 6:30 pm, and it poured much of the night, again blessing our  forests, fields, waterways and gardens.

   So while starting my morning tea, I listened to  a program about how unique each of our brains are, and when we list  our goals, then imagine achieving them, we start to create new set points so our old “default” ways of operating begin to fall away as we take small daily steps and see what happens.  With success, we secrete dopamine,  and when we share it with others, we release  oxytocin, increasing our likelihood  for success.  

   Some of my small daily steps include Donna Eden movements throughout the day, wiggling or dancing to inviting music, taking time to meditate.  The latter just didn’t happen yesterday  because I was engaged in saying yes to life!

    After breakfast, I took a short morning walk, and began to tidy my tiny garden, pulling out the sun chokes so I have a few to eat, and raking the soil as I continued to uproot the dead plants.

    As I walked in my apartment door, a potential caregiver called, so we had a good talk. Already two people have answered my ad, a good start, and both sound interesting to interview soon.

Then as I began to meditate, Rose, a loyal caregiver this psst year, called inviting me to join her and her parents for lunch at Sauce. They are visiting  for a few days from Maryland.

    This was such a welcome surprise, and the four of us had a lovely time, free to talk and share our food with one another.  I  discovered I love their beef brisket meatballs along with a bowl of dahl, brussel sprouts, brown rice, raw beets, avocado, and butternut squash.  It was fun offering Rose’s mom  some of my food, as she’d ordered a simple  salad but was curious about what was in a “bowl” entry.  Their chai tea  is fabulous, and perfect as after our lunch I headed home to greet Jerry.  We drove to hear an amazing piano Trio at the SOU Recital Hall.

   This Dephi Piano Trio was totally mesmerizing, playlng with such grace, precision, and passion.  It was my favorite Chamber Music Concert of the maybe 8 I’ve attended over the years.  Tickets are discounted from $38/seat to $5/seat with a Food Stamp Card.  We first heard a Haydn piano trio in F Major, then  a Czech composer Smetana with fast-paced lyrical melodies and ending with a somber tribute to his four year old daughter who died of scarlet fever, and his grieving was put into this composition.  After the intermission we enjoyed Schubert’s  Piano Trio in B-flat Major.  Words don’t do justice to this remarkable ensemble., but  we knew we were hearing musicians who put heart and soul into their playing, moving the  whole audience.  At the the end they had a reception with fruit punch, two huge cakes, and even gluten free brownies made with avocado oil; you don’t have to go to New York to hear the best.  They’ve recently released their debut album, Live, an appropriate one-word for how they play together.  The big surprise came as we were leaving, admiring the gorgeous bouquet of bright fall flowers full of mums, gladiolas, chrysanthemums, lilies, and a few  others Jerry knew and admired; suddenly the lady offers us the bouquet, so we took it to Jerry’s home!

   I had intended a quiet evening on  my own.  Instead we came back to my apartment, shared a simple soup and toast dinner, then drove  in the pouring  rain to Pascal Winery for an amazing evening of beautiful singing, with two young women  with  operatic voices. Then  we heard a Seattle group with a fiddler,  guitarist, and a loud, brassy women  singing Ukrainian and Celtic folk songs.  We came  home at intermission, too exhausted to stay.   It was a very full day, focused on fun instead of election paranoia.  Sometimes saying yes to surprises can be quite an unexpected blessing.

  “ In every moment, our senses take in new information, or old information seen in a new way. We add that information to what we already know and adjust our knowledge. We see the trees slightly differently- the colors of the leaves dance in a way that they haven't for us before. The bark of the dog sounds more rhythmic and musical than we had ever noticed. The life circumstance that we are in suddenly seems like a classroom, where we are learning in every moment. How to grieve. Who to talk to. How to express our anger. When to crack open our heart and let others in. How to see ourselves with more loving eyes. We all have this same opportunity for learning, but many of us don't see it. We see ourselves as victims, that nothing ever changes. That life never gives us what we think that we are owed. The real truth of the matter is that every experience, no matter how we qualify it in our minds, is a gift. A priceless treasure.”  This quote is from a sister writer from my class on freeing your Inner Wild Writer.  And we now have a year to share on  Facebook, encouraging one  another.  This quote actually fits the sort of day we had when I let go the shoulds and  just let the day flow!

   

     

WE MAKE A DIFFERENCE

When we get discouraged, it is important to know what we say, what we do, what we hold dear does make  a difference.  Our world, the one we grew up with,  is no longer viable.  We need to address issues that have long  been avoided, and take a stand.  And we are more creative when  we come from our wise inner self, not from the critics we hear all around  as well as within us.  

    In my final class tonight on Freeing the Inner Creative Writer, the bold teachers suggested we continue to connect and share with one another, for there is strength in being there for one  another.   I shared this with  the group,  and do so now with you as well.

   I am a small bright tree in a vast forest. In the sunlight I  feel alive and expansive, connected to the wonder of Mother  Earth and all the sky Spirits-the wind,  the sun, the unseasonable warmth after weeks of grey, wet skies.  For the first time in many moons, it was warm enough to sit outside and hem my new pajamas, for I could see as I cannot to do such work  indoors.

   Once it becomes dark, if I am quiet and present,  I  become aware  of how deeply I am protected and supported by invisible forces. It is easier to let go, and trust I belong right where I am, in this humble abode.   Happily, when I let go the doubts and fears, I can also let go obsessing about people or situations I cannot change.   Would I rather be free, or attached to security, control, approval from  others? 

    As I age, I am more patient, more discerning, more forgiving toward myself and toward others as well. I have learned feelings arise, often need to be expressed, sometimes shared, then they too pass on.  To keep on letting go, I need time to rest,  time to be reflective and honor this time for self-care I don’t have when my life centers on  others.  Community matters so much now too, a chance to be playful, sing with, be with others  in ways we nurture one another.  That is it for now!  Know your choices make a difference too!

Let's begin to turn it all around

Let's be like this roaring, lovely river
Carving her way for millenniums through the stony land
Giving hope to Indians long forgotten, still alive

Let's find wonder in hidden  places, be it our dreams
Or a response to a Facebook post that I am feeling lonely
And like wild flowers we don't expect to see
Friends from far and near, reach out to comfort me

For while I do enjoy solitude, I also love good company
Whether it be an outing with a friend I've not seen in years
Or sharing a dinner with good conversation at a friend's home
Let's begin to turn all this fear-based living around
And  choose to focus on the beauty and wonder, right where we are.
Yes, illness and a need to change plans  are part of life
Today I  shall listen to upbeat music, live and booming on JPR  right now
It can be good to break out of routines and habits that no longer serve us well.

So while I'm unlikely to roar while tending a sore throat
The writer in me is beginning to come  forth, not just with
   her pretty, happy parts, but also the downcast, lonely parts
That welcome hearing from friends, reminding me I am indeed loved
Even when I am discouraged by my body needing TLC, not just from me!
Off I go,  to listen to live jazz and take a short drive up the mountain
This chilly, rainy day.  The rain is so healing for our forests, waterways, pastures,  gardens.
It gives life to Mother Earth, and for this, let us give thanks.
 

SIMPLE JOYS

SOMETIMES happy memories bring back a sense of wonder and gratitude, like the photo above shows from our  family gathering/memorial three years ago.

Yesterday had special moments, like checking out Goodwill,  finding a great bright light for my living room on a dark, gloomy day, and a great pair of pedal-pushers with pockets.

  Meeting a new caregiver Heidi who has such enthusiasm she'll return Friday to learn more!

  A surprise call from a friend to take me to a movie-I love movies, and it's ever so much more fun

   to go with a dear friend;  I need more  light-hearted moments, though the movie was heavy, it did portray how a dark-minded mother who presses her son to feel guilty and confused can sure mess up a number of people's lives.  Her son was sensitive, intelligent and naive in his social skills. She made him promise to let go a  young woman he really loved in trade for her staying married to his dad-manipulation is never a wise move.  It's a joy to see a movie on the big screen with a strong message!

   And I learned an all women's choir (Women  with Wings) will start up Sept. 10, and meet every two weeks, so I am hopeful  to join my voice  with others and make some new friends too⁄

   With all the reasons to be concerned, even worried,  in  our polarized world, simple joys are crucial to our well-being!  Fall is very much in the air, including the smoke from fires.  It is a joy to have high temperatures under 90 degrees!

Can we celebrate life in the Shadow of Death too?

In the Shadow of last weeks deaths in Orlando, our web of life has been shaken.  What can we do now to make it tougher for such massacres to keep on happening, where can these people find shelter, solace, a safe place to find sanctuary in a world like this?
      For a week now, our skies have been darker, more rainy, cooler than is usual for June.  Could so many unpredictable changes be affecting us all?  Yesterday we had a wonderful Interfaith Vigil at our local Havurah, hosted by the Jewish community.  We listened to rabbis, ministers, minstrels, and shared our horror at what is happening in our country.  We shared our resolve to not let these repeated massacres define us, letting fear paralyze us from taking actions to create a more peaceful and safe world.  In the face of such deep grief, we also need to play, to rest, to take care of our selves individually and collectively so we do feel loved and protected.  As Norma Burton shared, life for many of us has been  full of storms, times that try our souls.  We can  emerge with more tolerance, more compassion, more awareness of how crisis can bring us together and help awaken us
    We are survivors, and it is tough to realize how deeply violence is imbedded in our nation's soul.
Maybe this is a wake-up call, time to stand  up for gun regulations.  Maybe it's a time to find healthier hobbies than hunting for sport, shooting other people when  we are mad and upset, condoning the silence from our lawmakers.  We need to break  thorough  the vicious cycles of hate, isolation, and rejection of those whose customs and ways of life are different from our own.  With the internet and other media, we now can see the faces of those who have lost their  sons and daughters, their friends who have done no harm, and now are dead, many only in their 20's and 30's.  They were gathered to enjoy one another's company, to be with kindred spirits.  What next when the Pulse will remind them of what happened only a week ago?  Our web of life has been  violently shaken, and more innocent people have been murdered and maimed.  One minister said we must now love each other out of our despair and shock, that we need the presence of Love in  our lives to arouse our courage, our resolve to help create a safer, kinder, more just world for all.
    When we were encouraged to first look a stranger in the eyes, then embrace one another, how readily the tears flowed, tears that may have gone unshed had we stayed home.  It is a time for mourning, and too, for finding simple  ways to honor and celebrate life.  It felt good for me to go to a second-hand children's store and take the time to buy some fun  gifts for my granddaughters, who are coming to Ashland this week.  Celebrating that I am a Grandma and  I treasure these rare visits with family who live far from  me.   Yes, we can celebrate in gentle ways, reach out to one another, resist the temptation to isolate ourselves at this time when so much seems out of control.

We can show up for life.  Slow down.  Be there for our friends and even for strangers, and do what feels appropriate to care for ourselves as well.  Sweet  Eliza, and Taryn too, I am so glad to see you for a couple of days this week, to be able to hug and read to you, just enjoy your presence and that of your wonderful parents too.  Let us choose to say YES to the life that nourishes us, brightening  our days even as we trust the rainbows and sunshine shall return.

Dia de Los Muertos

Today in Mexico, and many Latin American countries,  the two days after Halloween are celebrated as the Day of the Dead, when we are most able to honor and learn from our ancestors who have died.
  This may include beloved pets, friends, even memories of being with our loved ones.
I wept deeply, suddenly, not at first aware why.  Mom, have you a message to share with me?
   Carol, you have so much of your dad's spunk and adventuresome spirit.  He too loved to travel uncharted territory.  He adored the mountains, hiking alone or with a buddy, and skiing was his favorite way to explore in the wintertime.  And he so loved having a good time, with me yes, but with so many friends, for he was way more outgoing and open than I was, and yes, sometimes I felt jealous of his love for living, even in the most challenging times.
    Mom, we never learned exactly how or when he died; it was likely sudden, but we shall never know.  His loss was huge for you and for me as well.  I am a survivor, and it is taking being open to my wonderful community, not just any one person, for me to keep up my own spirits, especially in the winter months.  Like Nana, I love the Christmas carols and being around kids who still have their spirit and parents who are there for them.  It felt so good to sing chants embracing death as well as living at the Unity service today.  It felt good to have a kind, openhearted man to my right, and a brand new woman friend to my left.  Heather and Richard's music was amazing, so honoring this sacred time when we can better contact our ancestors, and a sense of the dreamer within as well, and the possibilities still to come.  It was such a moving service.
     May my writing, maybe singing too, be channels for sharing my own passions.  Oh dear Nana, so little has survived of your writing, but the Hudson Saga reveals my lineage of literate, articulate ancestors who also wrote letters and poems to express their heartache, their everyday joys, their troubles with relatives.  Thank you, Nana, for having the discipline to preserve these letters that show my rich heritage, and your and Grandpa's passion for travel and adventure when you were still in decent health and had the means to do so.  As Norma said today, we need festivities that honor life itself is a crazy dance we do with death, and a good cry is part of the letting go, letting the past be whatever it was.  Sometimes coming home means honoring whatever feels nurturing in this moment, letting go any judgment toward ourselves or others.  I am enjoying My Fair Lady on Pandora, and feel ready for a nap next!

May dia de lost Muertos be a special time for you as well, to gently honor and listen to your ancestors this hallowed time of year!

Enjoying Indian Summer on the Oregon Coast

A feeling of freedom as the waves, the wind, the sunshine and beauty of  this place embrace our tired yet eager bodies as we enjoy one last camping trip together before colder days and longer nights make camping difficult until springtime returns.
    With a hefty, bracing tailwind and soft,  forgiving sand we walk at a brisk pace, limbs eager to walk with these primal  forces gently pushing  us toward pleasure we seldom feel when the air is dry and hot, the skies polluted with so many fires this summer. A five in the afternoon  walk at home is uninviting this time of year.  And here we share the simple tasks-dishes to wash, water to fetch and boil,  meals to dream up from the cooler (and fresh albacore tuna from the Port Orford dock store) and cook on the Coleman stove.  We share touch, laughter over our meals, and a chance to enjoy our lovely surroundings as well as being together, away from our often busy lives and appointments that don't allow this kind of one-on-one time to slow down and savor rest and activities we both so enjoy.
   So often the news can be depressing and  even overwhelming.  Here life has a simpler rhythm that soothes and beckons us to gaze at the star-filled evenings, play in the sand, watch the sea birds and even a playful whale cruising the kelp  beds.  Here we are able to leave our home distractions aside and meet as two adults who have both survived turbulent times and heartache in our families, in our personal choices that have been tough at times.  We are ready to embrace and honor one another not in a traditional pattern  of submission and domination, or possessiveness, or  clinging.  We share a deeply human, more open, humble and grateful love that is consider and  gentle, one where two solitudes protect, greet and treasure one another; this stage has not come easily,  for  we've both had to do our inner work and discover what our own gifts are, and where we're  still needing to unlearn our conditioning.  This is the work of a lifetime, and it requires being able to communicate as honestly and openly as possible, forgiving ourselves (and each other) when we do make mistakes.
    Part  of me was afraid to take a trip this late, when it's already dark before eight, and the nights can be chilly.  We had good flashlights, nearby water and restrooms, and neighbors who were considerate.  Even the large camping dogs were quiet in the night; our only night visitors were raccoons who checked out our picnic table for any possible food left unprotected.  They dined on some grapes, but food that mattered was back in the van at night.  We had fun exploring, sharing,  just having these precious days to be together.  We never had time for the reading, for there were better things to do by daytime and it was too dark for books at  night.  It was a wonderful adventure, and affirmed how well we do camp  together!  We've done so in different places in our earlier years, but both of us love being outdoors on  the wild side, where nature calls the shots!   It is so much more fun to have a partner for trips like this, especially when we complement one  another. Time for me  to get to bed now, so I bid you all a good night's sleep as well!

It is Wise and Possible too!

It is wise as well as possible to enjoy a broader circle of friends to enjoy being with
Not just on-line, but to share interests we may have in  common, and to encourage  one   another.
   I don't have grandchildren or daughters who live nearby, and I need more contact with young people, for their friendships feed my need to belong to the larger circle, and they have perspectives not always found in  my own age range.
   It would be fun to share a meal not just with Meet and  Eat folks, but with women friends who are open to this too, and we enjoy one  another's company.  I am a people person, and get lonely with too much time in solitude, or focusing all my attention on a man's friendship.   When  my Davis  friend Mary died, I felt bereft, for midst our ups and downs, we were there for one another, and we believed in one another.  I welcome a few more kindred spirit women  friends in  the years to come, not only on-line, though that sure helps too.  Kris is one such friend from my past; we've not seen  one another since high school, yet she believes in me and knows I am going through a tough summer with so little chance to enjoy being in nature this smoky August, and having our air so compromised.
   So OLLI and fellowships are places I  am likely to be open to new friends, or my water class too.
It is good to live where there are so many vibrant, wonderful women as well as menfolk with courage, patience and a sense of humor midst life's very real challenges too.  There are even kind women right where I live, and it's  good to take the time to visit as we go about our lives.  Like  Dee yesterday saying how she too is looking forward to her OLLI  classes, for it  is just too confining to spend  so much time in our tiny apartments and not having a chance to broaden our   horizons.
We may be growing old, yes, but we still need meaningful friendships of all ages and genders!